Still Gearing Up

  I went to the library on Wednesday this week instead of today (Friday). Hubby had scored discount tickets for Valley Fair for Thursday, so I knew that I would be too wore out to walk to the library today. It wasn't an easy study day; I am trying to not get far ahead of everyone else, so that we can walk this journey together. I'm just impatient, as usual.
  I am trying to, slowly, build up the bullet journal, so that I can keep myself on task and accountable. I still don't have the habit down yet; I need to, daily, take the time to actually write in it. I had to move my computer to my writing desk (old desk is needed elsewhere), so I have 1/3 of the space for writing that I used to have. Also, sharing the computer room with more than just hubby is something I am not used to yet. Working around 8 people in a house can be daunting!
  I am attempting to have a daily practice. I would like to spend approximately 15 min or so in the morning in learning how to meditate, divining an Oracle, and prayer before my altar. I have several things set up to help...it's just a matter of actually getting out of bed in the morning. Like many, I have depression, and there are many days when I could literally sleep the whole day away. It also is cyclical; it feels like a current down spiral, and I am doing what I can to minimize the effects. Medication helps, but there is no cure, and I just have to ride this out, like so many others. It also exacerbates with pain, and the pain and depression chase each other around like mean puppies. Having lived with the back pain since 7th grade (stress started it, although probably a magnesium deficiency too), it's all par for the course, but it doesn't make this sort of thing easy. So, trying to rewire my brain to be able to do this simple tasks feels grueling. I *want* to do these things... I just have to work on getting the energy together. \
  Making myself do these Friday posts, and walk once a week to the library, is actually very helpful. I may not know what I want to say in these posts, but I will do them. The same with the library; I never know how much studying I will get done, but just physically doing it is helping. So, I am confident that I can get the meditation and prayer done every morning. Well, at least most mornings...I have to give myself a little grace.
  Until next Friday!

Alyssa aka White Raven